Crying Can Bring Healing

So I had a moment where I just had to cry last night in my car. I was on the way home from going to church at Trinity when my mind started to chase rabbits. It ended up chasing one about just needing to talk and have somebody care. It seems like no one really cares about listening to what's going on in my life, except for my mom. My dad does sometimes, but usually he's not paying attention when I do finally tell him or he just gives a lecture or turns it back to him. Looking back on life, it seems like I was always the girl people ran to about their problems but no one wanted to stay to hear mine. I know that's so selfish, but sometimes I just need to get things off my chest and get some encouragement out of it. For instance, this guy keeps texting me first, asking me how I'm doing, but as soon as he can it's turned to all about him. He doesn't even pay attention to what I say because he always turns it around to him. One time I was really going through a hard moment and happened to be texting him when it happened. I was telling him all about, pouring out my heart and soul for about thirty minutes. Being nice, I said 'I'm sorry, you probably didn't want to hear all of this,' hoping I would get the response of 'no it's fine, I don't mind.' But instead I got 'you're right, I didn't want to but I knew you needed to talk so I listened. It's a curse I have.' SERIOUSLY??! From that moment on, I have lost a lot of respect for that person. He didn't care what was going on in my life, he didn't want to hear it, but he knew 'it was his curse acting up.' Don't call listening to people a curse when you're listening to that person's problems. I just had to cry about that last night. And also about why God allows all these things to happen, even if we understand our lesson He's teaching us. I understand why God allowed the relationship between me and my ex boyfriend happen, I just don't understand why it had to go to such lengths as to leave me scarred and damaged, feeling like I'm just a piece of crap that no man is going to want. Since my relationship with him, my self esteem has just dropped tremendously. When you're told you aren't dark enough, blonde enough, pretty enough, too big in some areas, too small in others, that everything is about him and not about you for 4+ months, you tend to believe it. I don't understand why all of that had to come with the lesson. I know God has a perfect reason, I just want to know that reason. I had to imagine someone telling me it was going to be okay just to help me compose myself and go inside the house. I know I'm seeking a physical reasurance that I'm not who I think I am when all I need is God's arms and words telling me I'm beautiful. He is everything I need and the only One who can really take this hurt away, I would just like for Him to send it in human form.